Skarfing
Material
with Chef-Boy-Am-I-Hungry
Jim Thiebaud relaxes a
severe method curb slappy
between snacks
His senses lash forward, like love's
fiercest flame stabbing an iceberg. A wave
of thoughts, warped by the conquest of red
soul carnage, drip past the silent movies of
his ever-fading past.
A certain long lost day surfaces right then.
He feels safety in the yolk of childhood
memory
His mind's eye blinks up a scene in which
he first experienced true, steadfast devotion.
Tiny shocks dance within his being as he
recalls one of his oldest memories. He
relives a long lost feeling, jarred loose by
this certain smell, combined with this cer-
tain sound, at this certain time of day.
He turns around and doesn't see the
things his memory led him to believe he
would. Wishful thinking?
Fine thoughts of fine days assault his
screen like a giant, wildly rushing waterfall,
carrying his every first impression, along
with his first considered truths.
He wonders why this came to him with
his current thoughts, to betray him and elate
him.
Closed eyes set the stage for a play based
on a Steinbeck-type novel, from the pages
of this century's old west. He sees her work-
worn hands, caressing her children with the
tendemess of an angel.
He remembers the time when he stared
down into his breakfast before eating it with
the ferocity of Rudolph the Red Nosed
Reindeer. He decided to fold a flour tortilla
in an intricate manner, then take little "bite-
snips" out of it. When he opened it, he
revealed a giant tortilla snowflake.
"Ta-dah!", he thought.
Silent and swift, her ladle sliced the air,
making contact somewhere just behind his.
ear.
As if by magic, his first rule of thumb was
created: Don't play with your food.
Odd concept. "But, hey, why not?" he
realized.
The traffic light switches to green, landing
him back in the present. He shifts into first
and drives down the long, hot, paved streets
of Los Angeles. Somewhere he turns right
and breaks down on the corner of Pico and
Western
CHERNOBYL CHEEZ MELT
I tortilla (or more, depending on intensity of
hunger)
A lot of cheese
Hot Mexican or Italian sauce (the hotter the
A cookie sheet or any other flat metal object
Tomatoes, onions, and anything else within
reach
First, lay the tortilla down on the cookie
sheet. This is easily done and doesn't re-
quire any cooking utensils. Get some eye-
watering hot cheese out of the refrigerator,
or wherever you keep your cheese, and
grate it all up. Watch out for your fingers,
or the meal may become meatier than ex-
pected. If a grater isn't readily available, you
can do this by backing over the brick of
cheese with the family car. Mount the
cheese on the tort, then loop the hot sauce.
onto the mess (to test the hotness, feed
some to your cat and take notes). The term,
"a little goes a long way does not apply
in this case, and you should feel free to pour
on the whole bottle, can, or box at your own
discretion. The tomatoes and onions are op-
tional but are highly recommended by our
French chef, Pierre. Anything else can be
plied on top. However, large blunt objects.
are a bit hard to chew and never quite cook
in the middle.
Place, hurl, shove, catapult, or caress it
gently into the oven. Set over at a substan-
tial enough heat to kill any poisonous bac-
teria that may have infested the ingredients.
When it stops moving, it is probably done.
If you like your food rare, take it out while
it is still twitching a bit. At this point take the
hot mitt out of your little brother's mouth
(don't untie him yet), and get the tortillas out
of the oven. Roll them up and pop them
gently into your mouth (not the hot mitt, you
idiot). (Recipe submitted by James Blake
& Edwards Barnett of Walnut Creek, CA.)
DUCK
Exhibit your common sense and obvious
superior eating habits by struttin' around in
your very own SHARK TACO T-SHIRT
Simply send $10.25 (shipping and handling
included) to: THRASHER Magazine, Skarf-
ing Material T-shirt, PO Box 884570 San-
Francisco, CA 94188-4570.
Don't get hit by any wooden ladles.
POWELL PERALTA
PERALTA