MEATMEN
by Mike Gitter
STING
THE MEATMEN LIVE WITH LOTS OF JIVE. IT'S ALL IN THE ACT.
Arena rock is not dead! In the Aryan male
arena no one packs more of a power po-
tent turbo belly slam than Tesco Vee and
the Meatmen. Culling the excesses of
ABBA, The Tubes, Judas Priest, MC5 and
the Scorpions, this Dutch Hercules leads
his Meatcrew-ex-Minor Threat guitarist
Lyle Preslar, Negative Approach bassist
James Cooper on lead and drummer Eric
Zelzdor-through their non-stop, non-stock,
snarling cock rock with the deadliest of din.
None are safe from these studliest of
studs as they unleash gallons of venomous
spew on weak and defenseless targets, in-
cluding retarded kids, lesbians, gays, red
necks, punks, metal heads, French people,
dead Beatles and all others failing to
measure up to their manly standards.
Proud! Bravel White! The Meatmen fill the
jockstrap of modern culture as lesser men
hide in shame. Skrewdriver? The Cro-
80
Mags? Swans? Sure, they've got respect-
able peckerage but face facts, Sheckie, only
true men wield what this crew's got.
Meatdudes meld Pagan-style punk rock
with enough Madison Square-sized trap-
pings to make Rob Halford's sphincter mus-
cle tighten in respect. Formed over five
years ago in Detroit's industrial wasteland
by rock star and record collector extraor-
dinaire Vee, the early Meatmen, as captured
on debut seven-inchers "Blood Sausage"
and "Crippled Children Suck," pushed the
limits of excessive nugga, nugga thrash-
core. Tours with the Necros, Negative
Approach and the McDonalds spread their
message of excess and debauchery all
around the East Coast. "When you get
down to it," reveals Vee, "the Meatmen
started off as a hardcore band that couldn't
play their instruments all that well and
developed into a hard rock band that can't
play their instruments all that well."
Tesco's move to Washington, DC, in 1984
hooked him up with guitar gods Brian Baker
and Lyle Preslar (both ex-Minor Threatsters)
and with Bert Quieroz (ex-Double O).
Together they recorded "Dutch Hercules."
which pointed toward a harder rock delivery
with such songs as "Wine, Wenches and
Wheels," and the raging "Lesbian Death.
Dirge." Soon after, a reformed version of the
Meatmen, featuring Baker and Preslar on
the six strings, McColloch on bass and
Zelzdor poundin' the skins, made a vinyl
debut with "War of the Superbikes"
(Homestead). It was the ultimate punk/
metal/flamenco extravangaza. Baker's
departure led to the addition of guitarist
James Cooper, who relocated to join the en-
tourage, and subsequently to the recording
of the "Rock n Roll Juggernaut" Lp
(Caroline). A U.S. tour ensued, complete
with costume changes, props and more
onstage mayhem than one can shake a
prepubescent post-punk booty at.
TESCO VEE ON:
Meatmen Philosophy
Sophomoric
scatology with underlying savagery, as one
critic so aptly put it. Basically, we just keep
the dream alive which is, of course, to
play Tokyo. When Hanoi Rocks played.
Tokyo, there were thirteen-thousand people.
and three boys. I love those Oriental girls..
Imagine me, 6-foot-6 getting on a Tokyo sub-
way. Hiya, kiddies."
Vee Vices: "High powered Japanese motor-
cycles, beer (imported, of course) in green
bottles, record albums and big titties."
French People: "Suck"
Arena Rock: "People expect us to come out
in torn up jeans and go, "You suck," and
instead we come out looking like Tom Jones
opening act at Ceasar's Palace in Vegas.
The sailfish bum-out at first, but after awhile
they realize that we just totally party."
Punk Rock 1987: "A label as far as I'm con-
cerned. I don't have any involvement with
it and in the big cities it just doesn't exist.
It's all been fragmented into the speed
metal, speedcore stuff. You pick up the
teeny-bopper metal magazines with
Cinderella on the cover and you see.
Agnostic Front and the Cro-Mags inside
There is no God."
Glam Rock: "Cinderella are the biggest
bunch of dirtbag rehashers that have come
down the tube in ages. Every one of their
licks has been ripped off from a seventies
rock album. You have to appeal to the kid-
dies or you fall into the Al Jarreau CD
market."
Vee Influences: "I was weaned on Sweet,
Thin Lizzy, Scorpions, Captain Beyond and
all the glitter shit, so I was pretty happy when
the rest of the guys wanted to move off into
the world of showbar rock."
Rock & Roll: "It's got to be bigger than life
or who gives a fuck? The band Poison talks
about going home and eating Hamburger
Helper while watching Wheel of Fortune.
The kids don't want to hear about that. They
want to hear about Vince Neal going off-
stage and saying he needs oxygen. The
kids want to know how many girls bands
have dicked"
PMRC: "Wasn't it funny when they show-
ed the Mentors album and Frank Zappa
said, "I don't even know where you got
that. I'm constantly walking a very thin line
trying to rely on innuendos because I don't.
want to have those assholes coming down
on me. I can say what I want without saying
fuck or shit. People like Albert Gore and his
wife should be shot."
R. Bud Dwyer: "What's the new drink? A
Bud with no head on it."
Liberace: "I'm gonna miss him. Hopefully.
I can get a piece of his action when they
auction off some of those dead animals he
A motley crew of clowns, the Meatmen.
HADES OR 23
used to parade around in. I wonder what he
did to get a nut on? He probably got straddl
ed inside a baby grand piano while a parade
of Hollywood hopefuls would walk in."
Tom Jones: "We met at Brooke Shields' bir-
thday party. Graham told him he was the
bass player in Ozzy Osbourne's band. The
older I get, the more I get into people just
like him
MEMEN
CHLICK KATZ
The Future: "I just want to keep doing this
and still keep having fun at what I'm doing.
If that stops happening, I'm out of here like
a hot potato. I'll trade notoriety for all the
cabbage in the world. What I want to do is
grab people by the nuts and say, "Wake up
out of your ten-year stupor, asshole!' I have
to touch their balls to do it, but that's the
price you pay"
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