UNRULY
TRASH
What are these people doing in this
photo? Is it not skating? Are not Christ,
Magnusson, Blinky, Porky, Popeye, Ivan,
Vince Klyne, Hackett, Skipperboy, Mofo,
V and a few hundred others openly defying
the Action Sports Retailer Magazine "no.
skateboarding in trade show" edict? Did not
Gonz and Rocco start this session and then
leave? What are rules for?
the sport' blues. Are we once more witness-
ing the decline and fall, as seemingly
everyone who doesn't matter moves in to
suck up the almighty dollar? The Trashmen
think not and are willing to state three cer-
tain points: 1. The act of skateboarding has
always and will always continue to be in-
dependent from commercial and social
trends (i.e. There were many hard-core
skaters in existence long before the first
relates, "I was a nobody before dwarf bowl-
ing came along. Now pretty girls buy me
drinks and the guys call me little buddy."
The Trashmen can only wonder how long
it will be before star dwarf bowlers like Big
Strike have their own signature model
skates. In seemingly unrelated develop-
ments, Mr. J. Grant X was allegedly told by
Mr. Ed to "keep on walking" following a re-
cent "misunderstanding." Apparently Mr.
INTA
DANGEROUS WHEN DRY DEPT.
auth
Unidentified skater gets some kicks at the Action Sports show
manufacturer showed up.); 2. The mass
media exists only as an illusion in relation-
ship to real life activities. (i.e. Air time and
print space are related to ad sales revenue
while in the real world activities exist for real
values like fun.); 3. People who really skate
don't care about points 1 or 2. And now for
this month's most enlightening suggestion:
The Mighty Midget proposed "dwarf bowl-
Enough is enough. The stench is over-
whelming. Are you sick of Taiwan keychain
skateboards? How about faggo TV com-
mericals featuring limp-wristed ballerinas
on skateboards? How about skooterboards?
(The latest inventions of countless fast
buckers entails bolting handles onto last
season's unsold skate sleds.) How about
sleazoid "skate" toys such as "Skateboarding" as the next NSA event. Yes, skate fans,
Smack-ups" (advertised as "a bunch of
accidents looking for a place to happen")?
How about crappy TV shows like Ohara,
where the record salesman/high school
drug dealer's shop sports the decals of
several well-known skate manus? Some of
the nobler sons of the sidewalk are calling
BS on this jive. Even some of our more
clear-headed manus are shouting cries of
skate-exploitation. In fact, some dreary
mass-merchant type was recently heard
crying those old "organize the kids or lose
imagine the excitement of these "gutsy lit-
tle guys tied to skateboards" rolling down
the bowling alley of some promoter's
choice? Kenneth Hastings of Brisbane,
Australia, a top dwarf bowler states, "It's
a demanding sport and great fun too."
Safety gear is already a requirement, yet
certain little people's organizations have
dubbed dwarf bowling as demeaning and
disgusting (Sound like certain team
managers bitching at the NSA?) Three-foot
eight-inch New Zealand human bowling
projectile Eddie "Big Strike" Schlicter
X did and Mr. Ed later buried the hatchet.
so it's back to biz as usual. Elsewhere, some
moto mutant type, er...we mean,
prestigious sports promoter, has allegedly
started some sort of series labeled
something like the Transworld Sports 1987
World Championships. No wonder Mr. Ed
lost his cool, as this "series" has no ap-
parent connection to a prominent rag of
similar title. Perhaps coincidentally the TW
is rumored to be leaving the S, which in
another unrelated and unsubstantiated
development leaves room for the Beastie
Boys to cut their new skate model deal.
And, having spend far too long here, we add
that while the Boys poll different manus try-
ing to cut the appropriately chill deal, Frank
Sinatra is being recognized by the National
Assoc. for the Advancement of Colored
People for life achievemnent. We can only
wonder if an N.A.A.C.P. Frank Sinatra
model can be far off?
While LBD pops in another mouthful.
SHORTZ
And in these two strange Polaroids sent
to our sleazy column by unknown persons,
in photo A can that be the ever happy Louis
B. Dorfman standing in an unnatural
warehouse somewhere eating? While in
photo B could it be the Gonz and Rocco
loading up with yet more equipment? Nope,
skatefans, as you know these three people
are most obviously imposters. After all,
didn't Vision team management install
elaborate computer security/inventory
equipment so that their much valued team
riders wouldn't have to soil their hands
digging for equipment? Photos not by
Everett Rosecrans.
Following Jimmy "Z" Ganzer's alleged
alliance with Buster Brown, Steve Olson
has reportedly launched into a film docu-
mentary project featuring known survivors
of that long ago battle "Dogtown vs. Down
South." Meanwhile, longtime one time Z
associate Kevin Ancell has reportedly
returned from casting "2,000 Chinese
prostitutes for a Spielberg film in Shanghai"
to clear up the 41 parking tickets he got
while borrowing Jimmy's personal '51 Ford
wooden wagon auto. Ancell is allegedly
involved in the ever-so-secret Bronze Age.
type society business deal involving actor
Tony Bill and longtime skater Mr. Mike. New
York media liason Alaric Valentin further-
more has been imported to the above
unspoken address for undisclosed reasons.
The purported existence of a 10-foot indoor
half-pipe in the vicinity of Pico and Lincoln
Blvds. in Santa Monica might be the reason
for this elaborate subterfuge.
One of the illustrious Spidey Man's more
recent ads was allegedly canned because
stock boys Gonzales and Rocco take inventory.
a certain skater's technically accurate make
up job offended certain skate manufacturer
types. The term employed was reportedly
"bad image."
Following our latest episode of Mr. McGill
goes into business...can it be true that a
certain Encinitas surf shop which happens
to be in close proximity to McGill's new
shop promptly initiated a price war by
severely discounting (what else but) McGill
decks?
Steve Douglas was recently observed
standing with deck in hand looking down
the big drop at Boulder (Hoover) Dam..
Douglas was further alleged to be con-
sidering legal action over a certain skate
organization's citizenship requirements.
Rumors are flying concerning the
presence of certain alleged parts of the
Ocean Bowl Skatepark in a prominent
mid-Atlantic skater's dad's barn. Is an
outlaw park currently in existence? Do
people like Bob Blain, Micro and John
Ayres have the actual run down, or are their
claims of "no concept" genuine? Following
semi-secret skate import sessions to
Guatemala, the scene is reportedly ripe. Hot
locals like Milton Eduardo Aldana, Franz
Haidacher, Johnny Carette and Francisco
Del Valle have all been observed ripping
the ruins of Guatemala's most famous park.
"Chileman" Steve Villareal is reportedly
a key figure in this episode of global import.
Freezine out of Canada has been causing
editorial ripples lately. The "Winter Yech
Issue" is must reading for all cerebral types.
Last we heard the cover cost was a buck
and the address was 4197 Beacon Lane,
Mississauga Ontario, L5C 3V8 Canada.
ON BOARD
COMING EVENTS
M.A.R.S. Series
Midwest Amateur Ramp Series
All-metal ramp series. Three contests
scheduled.
June 13th Iowa City, Iowa
July
Minneapolis, Minnesota
August Lincoln, Nebraska
Interested skaters should contact
M.A.R.S., c/o Bill Miller, 5440 Sumner
St., Lincoln, NE 68506 for further
details.
C.A.S.L. Series
California Amateur Skateboard
League
May 16
Del Mar, CA Del Mar Skate Ranch.-
Ramp and banked slalom,
June 20
Irvine, CA Irvine Parks & Rec
Freestyle and light slalom.
July 25
Oceanside, CA Oceanside Pier..
Streetstyle and high ollie.
August 15"
Del Mar, CA Del Mar Skate Ranch.
Pool and banked slalom..
September 6
Visalia, CA Visalia YMCA. Labor
Day ramp contest.
October 10
Irvine, CA Irvine Parks & Rec
Streetstyle and tight slalom.
November 7
Anaheim, CA Anaheim Family Fun
Center. Freestyle and cross country.
November 21
Location to be announced.
Awards Banquet
"Double Point Contest
For further information call the NSA
Hotline (714) 882-3406 or write C.A.S.L
PO. Box 3004, San Bernardino, CA
92413.
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