TRASH
96
For lack of a better reason or was it just
business as usual? The first few months of
the year are the traditional time for those
mega extravaganzas known as "Trade
Shows." (For those of you who actually skate
and don't care to know about such matters,
a trade show is where the assorted manus
show their skate wares to a varigated assort-
ment of buyers.) In February, those
paragons of virtue at Action Sports Retailer
Magazine pulled off their user-friendly
sideshow chock full of sleazy swimsuit
models, bleach blonde surf pretenders.
Spandex sailboard poseurs, colored sun
protection vendors, rubber suit salesmen,
etc., etc. Once again the ASR types kept up
their usual good vibe by outlawing poses-
sion of skateboards on the premises. Quite
naturally, the skaters hanging on the streets
outside the Long Beach Convention Center
were more interesting than the show itself.
No surprises here, but our ace team of in-
filtrators did manage to find a few old occur-
ances inside the show.
Did Tracker Larry actually chop, channel
and compress his personal '55 Chevrolet
Bel Air to make it fit in a certain truck com-
pany's booth? Also, just where did those
authentic bus benches, trash cans and light
posts come from? Was this street habitat
constructed to make Garry Scott Davis
think he was safe at home in Ohio, or were
they trying to trick Neil Blender into doing
a demo there?
Another equally bizarre endeavor involv-
ed thousands of wheels masquerading as
a booth wall. Was this an attempt at a
Guiness World Record, or was it the Powell-
Peralta booth? Fat Mac was unleashed in
public again, proving that Dickvak not on-
ly has a sense of humor but also posesses
a vicious sadistic streak. An infamous, not
so silent, partner worked on his situation
comedy spiel. Rocco and Eric Swenson
actively searched out grudge matches for
the Team Venture fiberglass '57. Elsewhere,
Life's a Gonz wondered aloud why Rocco
doesn't wear glasses. It seems Steve's
overactive glands allow him to spot roam-
ing females at a range of more than one
quarter of a mile. (The problem is that only
at a distance of less than two feet can
Rocco tell if she's a candidate for a dog col-
lar) Former Mr. Bennett henchman Russ
Calish revealed himself to be a prosperous
instant printer.
Brad Dorfman looked very French in his
Newer-Man Vision Wear. Someone showed
up wearing a fireman's hat and an ever-tight
bikini. No one really believed it was a manu-
facturer named Madrid. A stiff liver who
| claimed to be an NSA advisor was heard.
campaigning for mandatory steroid testing
at skate competitions. (Thank God they've
already eliminated all those alcohol, tobac-
co and firearms violations?) Mike Dif-
fenderfer appeared to be Novak's lost
brother, while Doug Haut appeared to be
Richard's cousin. Matt Etheridge com-
pleted his heroic Olympic swim through the
Queen Mary Bar, or was that last year? All
in all, the amount of business done assured
that we'll all have to live through another ten
of these.
Florida, on the other hand, was a trade
show of a different sort. Go cart grudge
matches were the norm while alligators
climbed into the arena to stay out of the rain.
Walker's booth was very clean, as were his
multi-hue multi-lams. G & S premiered their
new line to a suitably enthusiastic response.
(Perhaps this is why Mike Gallagher disap-
peared immediately after the show, destin-
ed for Puerto Rico?) The real highlight here
was the fabulously posh fashion show held
at Orlando's Walt Disney World. With thou-
sands of well-lubricated show types in at-
tendance, some skate imposters, who
claimed to represent a particularly well-
known skate manu/fashion maker, deva-
stated the proceedings while claiming total
ineptitude. No one was sure if they, the show
or the company they claimed to represent
were kidding. The Hell Tour group was there,
and probably knew, but said nothing.
STAFF INFECTIONS
Editorial prooftographer, Bill Christman
and sometime Thrasher photographer,
Janet Saga, were married on February 14
(say, wasn't that Valentine's Day?) in a rous-
ing ceremony in San Jose. Congrats go out
from everyone here at headquarters.
Staffskater, Bryce Kanights, finally
graduated from the Datsun 510 class to an
'83 VW GTI,and tested it's tensile strength
recently with a side-roll off a snow bank in
the Lake Tahoe region. Results: not a
scratch, neither to vehicle, occupants nor
snowboards racked to the roof. BK is still
bummed about the loss of his FM antenna,
though.
ROOMERS
Following a twenty-thousand-dollar.
advertising effort, Micke Alba is rumored
to be a new Dogtown Disciple.
That engineering genius Bob "Robert"
Schmelzer is rumored to be dismissing a
major manu's technical breakthrough as a
Varibunch leftover.
Christian Hosoi is rumored to be rolling
about in a showroom-tight 1969 Mustang
convert.
Taters Hurtado is rumored to be releas-
ing another disc. Talk has it that he could
be backed by the Tupelo Chain crew in this
effort. Other verbal assignations have
Skatemaster Tate approaching the
matrimonial altar as well as a television ap-
pearance as a bum in a jail cell on an
episode of Cagney & Lacy
Nike-an athletic shoe manufacturer from
someplace near Beaverton, Oregon-is
rumored to be casting skate talent for an up-
coming television commercial. Also
rumored are clashes between a few profes
sional rider types and their shoe sponsors
over possible participation.
Paul Schmitt is rumored to have
discovered a new angle on uncrowded ses-
sions. According to rumor, Mr. Paul has
been known to show up in another fellow's
backyard where he proceeds to clear the
environs via claims of ramp authorship and
photo session priviledges. Tsk, tsk.
"Bones Brigade quartermaster Todd
Hastings is rumored to have endured the
ultimate injury in the line of love. It seems
that on one romantic Santa Barbara night,
while courting lovely Ms. Jaime on the team
couch, old Todd nonchalantly sat on a
switchblade knife. The knife responded in-
stantly but Hastings never flinched and kept
his mind on the more important matters at
hand. The next day, only his limp gave
testimony to the rumored occurance.
Brad Dorfman is rumored to have actual-
ly answered the Vision phone after-hours
recently. Also rumored is that the occasion
was a secret high-level, after-hours meeting
in the corporate art room.
Mike McGill is rumored to have opened
another skate shop. This one is not related
to a nursery, however, and it is rumored to
be in So. Cal., where it might be managed
by Corey Federman.
That fabulous journal of skate excellence,
Promotion mag, is rumored to be folding.
(Perhaps rumors involving a certain skate
star and media man's plot to publish an
interview consisting entirely of previously
published questions and answers is the
reason why. Or perhaps that was some
other 'zine?)
Kevin and Audrey Harris are rumored to
be expecting their first child in June.
Curiously, rumors that Kevin's mother is
writing an autobiographical novel about
Canadian
unconfirmed.
skateboarding. remain
Rumored to have been seen in the New
York Giant's hospitality suite at the Super-
bowl together-Rick Ducommun and Art
"Tom Thumb" Harris. Our rumored
response, "Who cares who Massiveman
goes to the Bowl with."
Having successfully moved from inside
the white whale out into the world of com-
merce, Bad H "Henry" Hester is rumored
to have relabeled all mini boards "street"
decks, thus starting a marketing revolution.
And for our New Year's rumor, which ultra-
prominent Dogtown intellectual (first
generation Z variety) allegedly opened up
with an Uzi at a V-Beach post New Year's
fest? Numerous parked cars were rumored
to be bummed.
Rumored to be coming next from the
Matchbox boys (creators of R.C. Ripskate
and R.C. Radskate)-fingerboards of the
stars. Are rumors that the toymen from
Jersey will sponsor a $100,000 fingerboard
contest true, or is that just aggro marketing
promo? Will they call it "Babes in Toyland?"
The S.M. Air crew is rumored to be
somehow associated with NHS. Natas is
rumored to know the details on all of this,
while Mr. Skip Engblom is rumored to be
locked up with his big screen and cable
control.
Rumored to be hiding out in architect
Rudolph Schindler's most recently design-
ed house is Stacy Peralta. Further rumors
hint of changes to this architectural monu-
ment along the lines of MDR's old Brown
Bowl. We further heard the pool was being
retrimmed with large red coping. Alleged
visitors claim that the house is empty ex-
cept for video equipment; no chairs, no
fridge, no phone, etc. Word further has it that
a Frank Lloyd Wright house sits on the lot
next door.
Pops Mullen is rumored to have built son
Rodney (along with Tank) a new private
freestyle area.
Jim Noonan, Tony Aitken and Jimmy
Wallbillaz are rumored to be closing in on
Dan Brown's footplant-height letter.
The infamous Dorsey is rumored to be
buying cab drivers drinks at closing time,
while flashing a roll of hundreds.
Rumored to be hosting a publisher's 'zine
seminar-Lapper's Bruce Adams and
Wade Herren.
Rumored to be casting 300 women to play
the part of 1930's Chinese prostitutes in
Shanghai, China, is Kevin Ancell. The
former Jimmy Z artistic liason is further
rumored to have been in the U.S. with long-
time Venetian Shawn Valentine buying up
chopped '49 Mercs for an undisclosed pro-
ject. Informants state that a Hollywood type
named Spielberg is somehow involved in
some of this, or was it George Lucas?
...maybe this is Disneyland? Of course,
Jimmy Ganzer is rumored to be in a forgiv-
ing mood regarding the 41 parking tickets.
that Kevin chalked up in the Team Z '51 Ford
Woodie.
MORE HELL TOUR
The tour that never should have hap-
pened finally happened because no one
had any choice. Imagine Jesse Martinez,
Bob Schmelzer, Hazze Lindgren, Steve
Rocco and Per Welinder on the road,
together! Yes, skate fans, further imagine
the thousands of irate parents of teenage
girls who were unfortunate enough to live
in the path of this freeform, freewheeling.
impromptour. (Of course, when Jesse
described it as a "little girl tour," we're sure
he meant something else-like the heroic
Powell-Peralta "50 beers a day tour.") The
gang allegedly demoed across America,
but in reality they waged war on unsuspect-
ing civilians. They were so cruel that they
made the head man at Atlantic Skates stay
up all night long for several nights. Other
vicious incidents were reported along
"Route 666" (in the immortal words of
Rocco, who was abandoned several times
for several days). Atlanta and Orlando had
a particularly rough time of it. Jesse M flow-
ed the team Bones credit card so freely that
he reportedly begged Stacy to cut it in half
to prevent further bloodshed. Lindgren
totally destructed in four languages while
Schmelzer impersonated an actor named
Bob Street, who puked on unsuspecting
women. Rocco even managed to get kicked
out of Mullen Manor, where Welinder claim-
ed that the plans for Sophie and Rodney's
wedding weren't being made. In Pensacola,
religious fanatics ripped off the Anti-Christ
Hell Tour sign from our voyagers' car, while
elsewhere eleven separate officers of the
law cited our gang for their driving exper-
tise. (The cheapest was a dollar per mile
and added up to 90 dollars U.S.) Other low-
lites included Jesse's boxing exhibition at
the Daquiri Factory in New Orleans;
Rodney's fake ID; the unofficial long
distance record set at the Eastern Shore
where two unnamed guys from Sweden
placed 30 calls an hour; free demos on
Bourbon Street, etc. etc. A story with the ac-
tual facts is said to be in the works. Rocco
stated that the tour was a promotional
bonanza, the only bad thing being the ren-
tal car's demise, which prevented the gang
from reaching Engblom's birthday, a festive
occasion that brought together Burgess
Meredith, Tony Friedkin, Dean Edwards,
Monique Edwards, John Lilly, Don Shula
and John Van Hammersfeld to celebrate
good Skipper's rite of passage.
ON BOARD
COMING EVENTS
April 4 (rain date 5th)
GET WET - AGRESSION SESSION
Lafayette, LA Street and freestyle contest
for ams and sponsored ams. Pros welcome
to demo. Contact Ross or Mike at (318)
981-7946 or write to Get Wet Skate Shop,
3229 Ambassador Caffery Parkway,
Lafayette, LA 70506
M.A.R.S. Series
Midwest Amateur Ramp Series
All-metal ramp series. Three contests ten-
tatively scheduled.
June
July
Iowa City, Iowa
Minneapolis, Minnesota
August Lincoln, NE
Interested skaters should contact M.A.R.S.,
c/o Bill Miller, 5440 Sumner St., Lincoln, NE
68506 for further details.
C.A.S.L. Series
California Amateur Skateboard League
March 28
Escondido, CA Kit Carson Park. Street-
style and tight slalom.
April 25
Anaheim, CA Anaheim Family Fun Cen-
ter. Freestyle and cross country.
May 16
Del Mar, CA Del Mar Skate Ranch.
Ramp and banked slalom.
June 20
Irvine, CA Irvine Parks & Rec. Freestyle
and tight slalom.
July 25
Oceanside, CA Oceanside Pier.
Streetstyle and high ollie..
August 15
Del Mar, CA Del Mar Skate Ranch. Pool
and banked slalom.
September 6
Visalia, CA Visalia YMCA. Labor Day
ramp contest.
October 10
Irvine, CA Irvine Parks & Rec.
Streetstyle and tight slalom.
November 7'
Anaheim, CA Anaheim Family Fun
Center. Freestyle and cross country.
November 21
Awards Banquet
Location to be announced.
"Double Point Contest
For further information call the NSA Hotline
(714) 882-3406 or write C.A.S.L. PO. Box
3004, San Bernardino, CA 92413.
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