S
KATER'S EDGE
Is the skateboard the pocketknife of the
future? You know how your dad or maybe
your grandpa had that multi-bladed
pocketknife that would do everything from
whittling a stick to overhauling the car-
burator in the Impala. How many times have
you wished you had a do-all tool capable of
handling any situation? Well, the answer lies
no farther than your feet.
There you are, in a situation that requires
a specific accessory, and it's just you and
your skate. Suddenly, out of desperation,
you miraculously transform your stick into
the right tool for the job: dolly, backrest, bot-
tle opener, you name it and with a little im-
agination your stick will get the job done. It's
the tool for all occasions.
The Dolly: How many times have you done
it? Placed an item that you were too lazy to
carry on top of your board and pushed it or
maybe even rode with it to its destination.
Who really enjoys taking out the trashcans,
moving a couch, refrigerator, or lounge
chair? Your skate really comes in handy for
those multi-kegger parties-sort of a port-
able bar on wheels. How about you aspir-
ing musicians? Don't carry the 300-pound
Fender twin into the club; skate it in, maybe
even mount some trucks on the beast.
Especially you bass players who insist on
purchasing those 5' x 10' lead weight
cabinets. Last but not least, use it as a
creeper for wrenching on your lowrider. Lay
down, roll under the vehicle and unbolt that
transmission onto your belly.
The Table: Whether it be on your lap or
resting in a puddle of mud, the skate makes
an excellent multi-use table. Eat, write, re-
lube your bearings, do whatever you will.
The concaves of today, especially with the
upturned nose, create the perfect contain-
ment vessels. Roll a smoke, eat your lunch,
count your pennies, you name it and the TV.
tray of the eighties is there to please.
The Bottle Opener: Yes boys and girls,
deep within the construction of your deck
lies the tool most needed for beverage con-
sumption. Just wrench that puppy between
your truck baseplate pivot point and the pro-
truding end of a mounting screw and presto,
instant church key for opening bottle-
capped beverages. Along the same lines,
I've even seen a can of pork and beans
cleverly decapitated and a sizeable amount
of aluminum cans smashed into a
redeemable state. All this done with man's
best friend, the four-wheeled axe.
The Flat Bed: Listen up moped, scooter
and motorcycle riders. Don't stumble back
from the corner market with bags of goodies
in each arm. Incorporate your skate with a
couple of good bungie cords into a flatbed
sort of arrangement on top of your seat or
fender. You can instantly create a 30" x 10"
carry-all in a matter of minutes, with the pro-
per concave shape adding to your
satisfaction.
Full dolly action: Tommy Guerrero and Steve
Ruge escort Bryce and his jump ramp into posi-
tion at the Vaurnet Pro/Am surf comp. In S.F
The Back Rest: O.K. lounge artists, count
the ways you've utilized your cue in a stiff
but orthopedic way to relax and unwind from
a hard day at the ramp. Dig that tail into the
sand or dirt, rest it up against a wall or tree,
the skate makes relaxing that much more
complete. For you smaller rippers (leg
length 30" or less) use it as a chair, prop-
ped between your behind and the ground
in a lean-to position. Subway transit types
can utilize their boards in a seat-type,
wheels-down fashion, avoiding the harsh
sting of tile floors while waiting for the pro-
per rapid transit tram, or use it anywhere to
just separate yourself from the ground.
Body Therapy: Forget about back-
scratchers, Oriental rub-downs and foot
massages. Just grab your deck, flop it over
your head and scratch your backside into
a euphoric state. In the foot catagory, kick
off your shoes and socks, flip your skate over
belly up and run the soles of your feet over
that set of Slime Balls. Delving further into
the world of body pleasure, prop your head
and feet up on a pair of skates after a nice
healthy slam for the blood-soothing, gravi
ty flow, first aid treatment. And for those
who've really shaken the earth, use it as a
crutch while you hobble toward something
a little softer.
The Tool Kit: It's a shovel, a hammer, a
crowbar, a horse, a work bench, a ladder,
a hoe. It slices, it dices, makes tons of cole
slaw and crinkle fries. It's a multi-fix-all
toolkit. I've seen decks used to level acres
of earth for ramp building, to pry open heavy
doors with the flick of a tail, and remove
yards of shrubs along the lip of a ditch. Prop
by Bob Denike
it up against a wall as a step stool, place it
across strands of barbed wire for harmless
entrance, even use it as a modern-day weed.
sickle for landscape rape. Number one use:
bury that protruding nail head back into the
riding surface of your ramp with one blow.
The Canvas: Gone are the days of creating
your own graphics on the bottom of your
deck using the reliable 'El Marko' felt tip.
Modern day skaters have taken to the tops
of their decks, creating mini-Picasso's from
their own wandering minds. For those times
when you can't skate, create on that four
wheeled canvas. It looks way cooler than
those tacky black velvet jobs you see sell-
ing on street corners for 10 bucks.
The Weapon: Finally, last and most definite-
ly not least, when the going gets tough and
ugly, your skate can become a crude but ef
fective weapon. Back off a pack of dogs with
your razor sharp tail; scatter a brood of gang
members with the helicopter spin-arm and
skate extended-or use the always effective
ankle bite/skate away one-two punch.
Hopefully this won't be a much-needed
function of your skate, but get some basic
training in the art of skateboard weaponry,
anyway. It may be useful in a pinch
someday.
So, have we missed anything? A pillow,
cutting board, battering ram, how about a
shield for those flying dirt clod wars? The
list is endless, but one thing is for sure, it's
always there when you need it. The multi-
talented, trustworthy, never-talks-back,
always reliable skateboard. Don't leave
home without it. Take care and skate safe.
HARD AS
NAILS.
(714) 979-731
TOUGH
AS DIRT!
THE COMPETI
Correct Geometry
Light and Durable
Grade #8 Steel King Pin
RANNALLI
G.&F. Products 1414 E. St. Gertrude, Santa Ana, CA 92705
Spring Steel Axle
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