Ska ing
Mal
with Chef-Boy-Am-I-Hungry
John Thomas, dipsy-doodle at the Oregon street style contest.
throughout my every day, and to look at me
you'd think I was a 'practically-perfectly-
balanced human being."
Cut to large, 6 ft. (or more)tall male, shouting
over his shoulder. He is standing in the center
of a medium sized, middle class living room,
modestly furnished and decorated, down to
the hip Madonna, Top Gun and Porsche
posters on the walls.
Man: The other side of the tape is half
Eurythmics and half Tammy Wynette. (He
then stresses) All hits.
Woman: Not Tammy Wynette again? You
put her on every tape you've got. Do we
have to hear any more?
Man: You know what the doctor said, dear.
Now put the little cassette into the nice
machine and turn it on, then maybe later I'll
let you play all of your Ramones albums.
(the man turns and addresses the
camera, looking directly into the lens.
He's chuckling.)
Man: Ho-ho, hee-hee-har haw. Oh my,
that's the wife ladies and gentlemen. Yup.
'til death do us part. You bet. When will she
learn that Tammy Wynette is probably thee
number one key to happiness in the whole
world? All she has to do is look at me.'I listen
to Tammy Wynette's songs interspersed
26
(he strikes up a bold finger as a
graphic gesture and continues...)
Man: Notice!! I said a PRACTICALLY-
perfectly-balanced human being. I, with
honorable Greek heritage and everything.
readily admit that I am not perfect.
Sometimes I'll schedule a whole damn day:
three meetings in the morning, a mid-day
work-out, four more appointments in the
afternoon, coach the Little League team.
and then realize I forgot to schedule myself
to eat.
(smacks himself on the forehead with
his palm on the word 'eat')
Now, if that ain't 'practically-perfect' then I
don't know what to think. So, like the nor
mal, up-on-things, hip guy that I am, I have
a plan to fall back on. I call it the.
KWIK SKARF PLAN
(underscore with proper dramatic
mood intro-style music)
Man: The KWIK SKARE PLAN basically
constists of maintaining an assortment of
quick and easy munchie recipes. Here's one
that I think yer gonna like. It was sent in by
Bucky Whitaker of Tulsa, Oaklahoma and
is called:
BUCKY'S WEENIES
What you need:
1 pack of hot dogs (weenies)
chopped
Bar-B-Q sauce
• 1 pinch of pepper
1 teaspoon Tabasco
What you do:
Put weenies in skillet over low heat. Let
get warm. Add some sauce and pepper. Eat
with toothpicks (you may like to add a little
beer.)
Man: (smiling enthusiastically) Hey there!
Here's one you might like for breakfast. It's
sent in from Alex Anderson of Ann Arbor,
Michigan.
BROWN BLOOD SLAMCAKES
1
cup pancake mix
1 egg
% cup milk
1 tblspn oll
½ lb. bag of M&M's
Heat griddle to a hot 400° Beat the egg.
slightly. Mix in everything else and let it sit
for a minute, but don't let any bugs get in
it! Pour out the slamcakes, cook till golden
brown. Serve.
Maybe you might want to put on some
Hershey's syrup if you're that kind of per-
son. You might even want to try the normal
way to make the batter if you don't like this
mix. Just don't forget the M&M's.
TORTUNA
First you make a tuna salad. If you
can't...give up.
Melt some butter in a pan, then throw in
a flour tortilla and cook it 'til it's pretty brown
and crunchy kinda. After that, take the tuna
salad, throw it onto the tortilla and roll up like
a burrito. Eat.
Man: Well people, that's all the time I can
spare for you now. I hope you've learned
something. I must return to my shrill,
domestic existance of a husband extraor-
dinaire. (turning and calling off in the
distance) Woman! Oh, darling wife woman
of mine. Where are you peach?
(Fade to black)
(Words flash onto screen and begin to
roll)
We now return control of your TV set.
There is nothing wrong with you at the mo-
ment. You may return to the normal tasks
of your run-of-the-mill day. Oh yes. You
might've noticed that new shirt you're wear-
ing. While you were out-cold mesmorized
by our hypnotically-oriented program, your
physical being bought a brand spanking
new SKARFING MATERIAL T-SHIRT, by
sending $9.65 (shipping and handling in-
cluded) to THRASHER Magazine, c/o Shark
Taco T-shirt, PO Box 884570, San Fran-
cisco, CA 94188-4570. Don't worry, you who
are now missing your dogs. They won't
bring home 'no-puppies."
SIXTY MM 92 OR 96A SKULL WHEELS OUT NOW SKULL HARDCORE HACKETT OLSON HOSOI
SKATES
MANUFACTURED
SEND SELF-ADDRESSED STAMPED ENVELOPE FOR STICKERS SKULL SKATES 15464 CABRITO RD VAN NUYS CA 91406