Panic in Palmdale
Reach out and touch someone? O.K.
fine, but my phone bill for the month was
threatening to make me financially insol
vent. A self-inflicted condition created by
lending my seven-digit identity to a flyer
notifying all concerned of an event which
became known as, "The Great Desert
Ramp Battle, Part 2." (Historical note:
see "Great Desert Ramp Battle-
THRASHER April '83.) The phone started
doing its thing. Questions were in need
of answers: "Is there really a ramp?" Yes,
"Is the contest on? Yes. "How do you get
there?" Etc. Etc.
A large number of beings had appar
ently received the right information, be-
cause on the day before the contest the
number of people at the ramp site (Jim
Smith's backyard) nearly equaled that of
the town itself. (Lancaster, CA: popula-
tion-stale.)
Some skaters were getting a crash
course (literally) on the lows of gravity.
Mike Smith and Gator had an encounter
on the flat bottom. Two other skaters col-
lided during mid-lien air. Unintentional
doubles routines were happening with
alarming frequency. The ramp was taking
a beating due to the intensity of the 20-30
man sessions. Paint was chipping, plat-
forms were sagging, bodies (and words)
were flying.
A chosen few were secreted away for
a private pool session located in the vast
desert-scape between Palmdale and
Lancaster Located on the "weekend es-
tate" of a Hollywood screen writer, the
pool was titled "The Beatle Bowl, owing
to the fact that the characters from the
Yellow Submarine had been applied
in full animation to the lower regions of
the bowl. After the remaining inches of
snot-water were bailed, a serious ses
sion began to take form. Gator, Bill Ruff,
Mike Smith and Moi were the guests of
honor. Gator slammed, Smith styled and
Billy skated into the drainhole. This act
usually results in massive body trauma,
but the ruffian escaped unscathed. This
time. As that flaming sphere of energy we
call the sun headed for Japan, we made
tracks back to the ramp and plans for the
evening's recreation activities, which var
ied widely, depending on point of view,
pocketbook or religious convictions.
A few skaters reportedly went on a
bizarre fashion foray to a focal Clothes-
time outlet. Was Billy Ruff really denied
access to the women's dressing room
after expressing interest in trying on the
latest in feminine apparel? Mark Gon-
zales and Jason Jesse had the staff of
Clothestime convinced they were "that
way." Owen Neider simply had them con-
fused. Guys buying girls stretch pants?
Others soon followed suit. Watch for
coverage of the newest cross-dressing
trend in your favorite fashion mag soon.
Steve Rocco and others had the mis-
guided notion that cruising Lancaster
Boulevard would be the right thing to do.
They soon found that a majority of the
town's youth frown upon anyone who
possesses even an ounce of originality.
Having way too much of this trait caused
our group to be denied access to the
evening's only serious party. Maybe we
38
can all be heavy metal next year. After a
brief stop at K-20 liquor all concerned
headed for the EZ-8 hotel, which had the
dubious honor of providing shelter for the
evening. Things went from bad to boring
and the evening ended without incident.
Saturday, January 4th-7:00a.m.-1
really hate waking up in the morning.
especially to find that it has been raining
all night. Prospects for the contest were
dim at this poiont. We swept the water off
the ramp and waited....
9:30 a.m. The weather is holding and
the ramp is rideable. Sign-ups and prac-
tice sessions for the unsponsored skat-
ers get underway. Things are starting to
look up...
High Noon -Just as the unsponsored
skaters are ready to start, menacing
clouds move in and soak the mass of hu-
manity gathered to witness the event.
Billy Ruff suggests that we break for
lunch and try again at 2 p.m. Everyone
agrees and quickly vacates the premises.
2 p.m.-The ramp is dry and the con-
test begins. By popular vote all 13 skat-
ers
agree to go at it in one 40 minute jam.
Local Mike Myers decided to make a gay
twist and ended up in 8th place. Local
top-notch street man Kenny King moved
onto the ramp and took it upon himself to
bone slob airs and loft frontside ollies into
the 7th place spot. Steve Villareal skated
just a little bit better than the previous two
and thus earned 6th. Rob Boaudain
smoothly skated his way into 5th. Giant
Dan Sturt went to Japan with his bad airs
and ended up in 4th. Bruno Herzog
skated as if he had always had blonde
hair-he ended up in 3rd. Jeff Hartsell, re-
cent Hawaii transplant, did rad frontside
airs off the extension and went back to
Venice with 2nd place. Brian Mank was
rumored to be from Ohio, or the Necros
manager, or just plain weird, depending
on how you look at it. He wore a Kiss
patch on his hat, sported some large tal-
toos, and said something about giving
birth just before he skated his way into
first place and sponsorship by Madrid.
Isn't life grand?
During a quick break in which the un-
sponsored standings were announced,
the crowd kept themselves busy by
smashing into one another, falling into
the mud and engaging in an occasional
fistfight or two. But why, you ask? To ob-
tain the small pieces of thin vinyl plastic
lobbed into the air by the pros & spon-
sored ams on hand. Magazines were
tossed into the crowd, only to be shred-
ded to bits. Billy Ruff added a sick new
twist to the product toss by throwing a set
of wheels into the adjoining yard, which
happened to be the home of a large and
rather agitated Doberman pinscher.
There were no takers.
3:00 p.m. -About 10 minutes into the
sponsored am's practice another cloud-
burst occurred, forcing all present to seek
refuge. Fortunately this one was brief,
and within 30 minutes the ramp was once
again skateable. Practice sessions were
finished without further incident and the
first of two 9 man jams got underway.
consisting of Steve Siaz, Owen Neider,
Paul Schmitt, Gary Sanderson, Chris
Black, Dave Swift, Britt Parott, Chris May
& Jason Jesse. Jason got the Star Trek
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award for going where no man has gone
before." He used the entire ramp, getting
bio with way high air, lots of lip tricks and
more than his share of style. Owen Neider
was lofting around with hour long
inverts, body jars, and more. Chris May
was ripping in his usual Modus Operandi.
skating on the verge of death.
Two runs into the jam, mother nature
again felt the need to let loose, and the
contest had to be stopped for the 3rd
time. About half an hour before sunset
the ramp became rideable again and in
the interest of time, the first jam was
given two moro runs, and then the sec-
ond of the two sponsored jams would get
4 runs also. The 2nd jam consisted of
Todd Swank Wesloh Esq. Ill, Steve Clair,
Eric Sanderson, Jim Noonan, Keith
Stephenson, Brian Mank (now spon-
sored), Chris Cook and Tony Janson.
Steve Clair wore checked pants from
Clothestime while contorting inverts, pos-
sibly because he used to work at the
Gullwing factory. Chris Cook flung him
self about the ramp with no regard for his
personal well being. Tony Janson left his
Swedish passport in the hotel room, but
he was still able to look like a young Todd
Joseph while doing layback roll-a-
rounds. Brian Mank changed his status,
but not his attitude and continued to i
skate well.
As the last skater in the 2nd jam
finished his 4th run, the contest was
sort of, well, over-and the judges
tallied their scores as the sun set
and the last sticker/everything
throw took place
Many thanks to all of the
sponsors who came through for
the contest; Sure Grip, Madrid,
Vision, Tracker, and Style Zone.
a local skate shop. As soon as the
ramp undergoes some
changes (1.0. 1 more
vertical, new coping,
paint, etc.) we hope
to see you all
again for "Great
Desert Ramp
Battle Part 3?"
Until then, re-
member there
are more than
15 million people
on this earth who do
not know or care
that skateboarding
even exists...
Billy Runaway
RESULTS
Sponsored
1. Jason Jesse
2. Chris May
3. Owen Neider
Jeff Hartsell footplants frontalde
during a break in the wet weather
4. Keith Stephenson.
5. Tony Janson
6. Brian Mank
7. Todd Swank Esq. III
8. Chris Cook
Unsponsored
1. Brian Mank
2. Jeff Hartsell
3. Bruno Herzog
4. Daniel Sturt
5. Rob Beaudain
6. Steve Villareal
7. Kenny King
B. Mike Meyer