12
Skarfing
Material
OH YEAH,
1
Chef Boy-Am-1-Hungry
modern, fechnology You got your compact
cars, your electric blonders electric
ranges, hot running water Walkman, color
microwave oven, your sed-through the
tube toothpaste, laser discs, home video
and your basic nuclear missles pointed in
every direction
It's mid-October and I am in Italy, oh Italy
Italy. This place is something else. Bad tim-
ing on my part landing here because every-
one here is fully pissed-off at the United
States for jacking those Achilles Lauro
hijackers from the Egyptians who. I hear,
are pissed-off at us as well, screamin' 'air
piracy. A couple days ago a few high-rank
ing government officials quit their posts be-
cause they weren't stoked at all on this gov
ernment's move releasing the alleged mas-petite. Well, that's understandable. But,
termind of the whole ship-hijacking ordeal
from custody. And today Italy's government
just went "ploohfpuh!",
So now, for fear of who knows what'
(and I don't want to find out! I option to
travel around this country in total disguise
and not talk because I don't speak bardly
any Italan. I succeed at this by rubbio a
little paint on my hands, carrying around a
sketchpad, wearing dark sunglasses ac-
companied by a menacing grimace and
drawing pictures of 'nothing in sight that
when observed, cause people to remember
a nightmare that was better left forgotten.
They think I'm some kinda crazy man artist-
type, so I'm left alone.
This morning I was sitting through some
"Skarfing correspondence" that's been gra-
ciously forwarded my way by my friends in
the underground and came across a letter
sent in by some kid from Woodinville,
Washington:
"What ever happened to the old
THRASHER? take Skarfing Material for
example. The food is too complex to make.
What ever happened to good old torts and
oggs? That's all I have to say"
I begin to realize the grown number of
very uncomplex personalities who read the
mag and are in dire need of repetition.
I also realize that after analyzing the re-
cent course of international events, not
forgetting all the bullshit happening in
South Africa, the Phillipines. Afghanistan,
Lebanon, Syria, Israel, India, El Salvador,
Nicaragua, Brighton, Libya, Iran, Egypt.
Tunisia, Laos, Cambodia, Viet Nam, et
cetera, et cetera that there are good.
symptoms for all-out global warfare. It
naturally stands to reason that we can ex-
pect bombs zinging around our heads any
month now, or any week, day, hour, minute.
second, moment
With these things in mind, I figured that
I couldn't let all my readers meet their
maker, get totally obliterated, decimated or
cremated...on empty stomachs without
the knowledge of how to whip up quick,
tasty and what could be perfect.
DOOMSDAY MEALS
Yes, boys and girls, we're in the age of
Now, when you get that "final word, and
have only a few minutes to spare, some of
you are probably just gonna drop dead from
heart attacks. Now that's because you
haven't been eatin' right. Some of you are
probably not gonna have much of an ap
there will be a few of you willing to go into
the kitchen one last time for that last, satis
fying stomachful before a hell breaks
loose, and soon, there'll be no more kitch
ens. Here's one I call-
MUFFLER BEARINGS
This is basically a spiced veggies and
scrambled eggs mixture, What you do is
get a couple eggs, more if you got 'em and
if you're gonna end up frying with a couple
friends. Get all the veggies you can find
except potatoes because they take too
lang to cook and you dont have the me)
and chop them up real good into approxi-
mately cubes. Try and include some.
onions, zucchini, green onions, tomatoes
mushrooms, broccoll and carrots. Toss this
into a waiting skillet at a medium heat with
melted butter in it. Sprinkle some spices
on it, like garlic salt, all-purpose seasoning.
pepper and cayenne. Stir occasionally
While this stuff is cruising and you can hear
the sirens wailing and the sounds of mas
sive chaos in the streets, you crack your
eggs into a bowl, add 1 teaspoon black
pepper and cup lowfat milk (or any kind,
you've got no time to worry about your
weight right now Get a fork and whip this
mixture up real good until it's unrecogniza-
ble. Pour this into the trying pan and sum-
marity cook it just ke scrambled eggs
About this time, you probably still have
about five minutes until final impact and
you're sweating buckets. Well, don't stail
now, find some jack cheese or some ched-
dar quickly shred up about 1/3 cup, toss it
onto the scrambled pile and mix it in. When
it's melted you're ready to eat. You have
about two minutes now to do anything you
want.
HUB-CAP GASKET
This one's even quicker You might opt
for this doomsday-dilly if you need time to
say your prayers, if you're into that sort of.
thing (not that it's going to do you any good
at his point).
Two alles of bread (any kind)
One slice of cheese (any kine
Two eggs (any kind)
Peanut butter (any kind)
Jelly feny kind
eup mild (any kind
Two alaba buller (or margarine)
Beat eggs and milk together in a bowl.
You might want to add two teaspoons of
cinnamon for added favor
Apply peanut butter and jelly to the bread
slices and place cheese between the two
like a sandwich.
Dip sandwich into egg mixture, costing
as much as possible.
Melt butter in skillet over a brisk flame.
and place egg covered sandwichin, flipping
it occasionally untit egg appears totally
cooked. Viola, Hub Cap gasket Toy pouring
some chocolate syrup over your Hub Cap
gasket before devouring
Look in a mirror and wave bye-bye,
PISTON RETURN SPRINGS
Corn tortillas (forts)
Silced choose (any kind).
Toothploks (any wind)
Sliced veggles (any kind)
Cooking oil (any kind)
Plop your slice of cheese onto an open
tort. Sprinido veggies in a straight line
across the open, flat surface. Carefully roll
un cheese and veggies in tori and shave
the toothpick straight through the side so
it comes out the other side and holds this
thing together. Quickly fry in hot oil in a
skillet, turning over occasionally until tortilla
is slightly browned and cheese is melted."
There you go. Now remember, you don't
have to wait until the nuclear holocaust to
try these meals. They're good at almost any
time you peed to eat on the run.
Until maybe there's a next time, bye.
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