Skarfing
Material
MOE LARRY CHEESE
"I was crap," she said
"Bad enough to actually make you puke," she
said.
A daisy bit the dust, with a soft, clump onto
the potted soil
The stench was unbearable the man with
his wristwatch on backwards said. He dropped
his pon
"Nice suit," I said, rather disgusted and
sarcastically
"What's the matter with my suit? You don't like
my suit? the guy with the watch said, beads of
sweat began forming on his forehead
"Leave him alone Henry," she said.
"What'd I say Henry?" I said. "And your
shoes
You don't like my shoos? Now it's my shoes.
First the suit, then the shoes, what next?
"Face. I don't like your face Henry
"Wheew! That one was bad she said
Egg. I said,
I can't smell it yet," Henry said
You will," I said. "I don't like your style ether,
"Style. What style?" she said
"What do you mean," said Henry. "Oh, I can
smell it now. That's sick. A man, who'd just
been seated in the next booth, got up to leave,
clogustody waving his menu, fanning us. He
was repulsed
with Chef-Boy-Am-I-Hungry
"Your skating style sucks. I don't like it, and 1
don't think ske you."
But he's thinking of tuming pro. They
promised him his own signature model if he did
Oh my god that one's bad!" she said
Frijoles," Henry said.
Everybody and their mother has a signature
model these days B.FD God, that one was
awful. No style I say."
Henry belched, forcing most of it through his
nose. It made his eyes water. "I don't care about
what you say anyway, and you look like a hippy"
"Men have died talking less shit," I raised my
arm and anapped my fingers to attract the
waiters attention, "Gargoyle, more wine."
Nice day for a fight," she said.
"Fighting for air is more appropriate!" said
Henry, downing the rest of his dinner wine so the
waiter could fill it back up. Half a sip fit down his
chin and streaked red, straight down his clean
white shirt,
"Hole in your lip, or what?" I said "Pig. Stupid.
pig-man-boy-apel Hey, get this. Yesterday I'm
over by Union Square, on the comer by "Saks
Fifth Ave Td left my watch at this actress's
house in Beverly Hills last weokond, so I'm out a
watch, till I got it in the mail this moming, right?
Well, I'm on the comer doing a couple twenty
foot curb-grinds, and I ask this killer-looking
society-looking-type Twelve, maybe fifteen
year old Princess, y'know. So I ask her, "Hey
Betty, what time is it?", and she fully coy's up to
me, looks me up and down and says, Ten
bucks. I only had a fiver.
"What'd ya do?" she said.
I tried to think hard about Paris, France,
turned around and rode away."
STINK
This could be you. Sitting around in
some secluded Italian restaurant, trivially
arguing about ineptitudes, and such. The
irony of it all is, that you all have severe
cases of "GAS." You know, the real fragrant
kind that burns your nose hairs. Some of
you readers are probably wrotching as to
the distasteful nature of this subject, but it is
one of the sorry-sad-but-true facts of life,
someone has to have the oysters
enough to speak of this topic. Overeating,
wolfing down your food, obscure meal
combinations, not chewing your food
enough and not getting enough spit in your
food before you swallow it, are all reasons
for indigestion and gas problems.
If you get the chance, think about what
you're going to eat, and what effects it
might have on your system. Everything you
eat does its own little thing. A more than
common mistake made by many millions of
people each day, is, the old vegetable
salad before the main course (protein)
foods) is eaten.
Your good ole' protein foods need wads
of hydrochloric acid present in the stomach
for proper digestion. Since vegetable
salads are rich in carbohydrates (which
don't need as much hydrochloric acid to
break it down) if eaten first, it insures that
there will be a lack of sufficient acids pre-
sent when it is needed to break down the
protein foods. This means it will just sit in
your gut, largely undigested. This you don't
need. So, if you've any concem for your
bodily functions, you'd try eating your salad
during, or after your dose of protein food. If
one wanted to go even further in the quest
of a fart-free lifestyle, eating only one kind
of food, (be it salads, protein, fruits, veg-
gies) at each meal, will narrow down the
chances of ripping-stinker-gnarlers to
practically nil
Believe it or not, our old buddy, Mr. Garlic
is your best friend when you have strong
suspicions that something is seriously
dead inside of you. It stifies putrefactive to
xins and destroys the wicked-stenchy-bac-
teria in your system, killing your S.B.D.
Tendencies. Pollen, in its different forms,
does the same thing as Mr. Garlic. Other
ways of helping to stifle "The Curse," is to
include cultured milks (ie. yogurt) in your
daily intake. Along with sour bread, sauer-
kraut, soured vegetables, which all contain
high lactic-acid levels, help in digestion and
prevention of intestinal putrefaction.
Other DON'TS, are to not eat raw fruits &
veggies at the same meal. Both recruit a
different set of enzymes to be digested and
will only freak-out the digestive process,
causing indigestion, and perhaps constipa-
tion, and that ain't hip.
Also, do yourself a favor and avoid all re-
fined carbohydrates (sugar, starchy refined
cereal).
"It was crap!" she said.
Autory
riting!
SKT BRDS
SAY GRANEST SANER
MONICA CA 90405