Thrasher Magazine November 1984 — Page 7
Page Text

            Skarfing
Material
SKARFING MATERIAL
"Here tuna, tuna, tuna! Here tuna, here
tunala quote from a famous,
anonymous man..
Golly gosh boys and girls, you want to
know something? The other day I was out
and about gallavanting and carousing with
the bros, doing this and doing that. You
know, taking care of business. Well, after
doing alot of that, I sort of lost track of time.
and money. There was a pondering
moment and then a realization-Tm
gonna be late for a very important rendezv
ous, was real hungry and had very little
money to purchase some food, let alone
the time to prepare anything substantial."
With the facilities I had left, I set the brain
gears into motion and conjured up the
following thought: Go to my local fish
counter, purchase a variety of sea food,
snag some veggies from ol' lady
Dredgemund's vegetable garden next
door, and invent something in a frying pan.
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A pocket inspection revealed five dollars
and sixty seven cents, a broken buck knife
and the telephone number of a pretty
Swedish girl
(Later)
I stood in front of the stove where, before
me, a skillet sat empty on the front left
burner, waiting to be put to use have a
dollar-fifty left in change after the fish
purchase from the Indian girl at the market.
I bought a little less than 4 pound each of
shark steak, squid (whole, or bashed into
calamari steaks), prawns, and/or baby
(pink) shrimp. From old lady Dredgemund's
garden I snagged a zucchini squash, some
broccoli and some green, red and yellow
bell peppers.
In my fridge, I had half an onion and
some minced garlic. I zapped a few capfuls
of vegetable (cooking) oil into the skillet.
set a medium flame and proceeded to slice
and dice up the shark steak, clean the
squid (this is done by getting a real sharp
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knife-don't cut yourself-and slicing
about % above and below the eye, then
throwing the eye part away. On the tenta-
cled half, remove the hard beak-like
mouth. On the other half reach into the
slimy, extremely gross piece of flesh and
extract, with your finger, all existing guts,
and be sure to remove the long flat plastic
looking thing that's in there. Chuck the
guts. Then slice the "g.p.o.f." gross piece
of flesh into approximately wide strips.
For about 1 or 2 squids, this should take
about five minutes, tops).
The skillet was hot, so I started zinging
in the shark, squid, and shrimp. The
cleaning of the fresh water prawns came
next. After peeling off the prawn's shell, I
always make a slice up the underside to
remove the intestinal tract (I don't take
crap from no one, let alone ocean plankton
or whatever you call 'em). After backhand-
ing this in to join the rest of the creatures.I
diced a half of each of the veggies, then
blew them into the pan. Plopping generous
spoonfuls of minced garlic and a little
cumin and red pepper powder from mom's
old spice rack, I covered with a lid, put the
flame on simmer and dashed to the
bathroom for a shower and shave. Less
than ten minutes later, I'm dumping it into a
bowl, and had enough left for another
serving. Total time from start to belching
after the last bite: about twenty three
minutes.
I know you're thinking, "Eeyuck. You
can't make me eat that gunk!" But damnit,
it tastes so killer, if you could just kiss-off
general candy-assed inhibitions. A change
of pace like this was welcome and im-
proved my social life to no end. I started
getting invited to parties and important
Hollywood functions (not to mention the
fact that more than a few women, and one
heiress, gave me their phone numbers).
then some guy tried to sell me a bridge in
Brooklyn.
But seriously, it did change my life
because I found out that fish food is a good
source of high grade protein, minerals,
iodine and potassium, It also has little, if
any, fat. Now, the shell fish are among the
most nutritious of the fish. They're ex-
tremely high in protein, iron, calcium, and
B vitamins. Shellfish contains half the fats
of other fish, and oysters and clams
contain half the cholesterol of beef.
An important fact when selecting fish:
Remember, the fish have not escaped the
world's pollution. Coastal fish have been
known to have unsafe mercury levels. Fish.
from Greenland don't suffer from the toxic
environment. So, cold-saltwater fish (the
white fleshy kind), are your best choice.
Seafood should be stored frozen, and only
stays fresh for about two days. It should
have no foul smell. One time, just recently,
I didn't check how old the fish was, cooked
it, and when I was chewing on a chunk, my
breath began to smell like ammonia. Well I
spit it out so quick....
In future issues, I'll be discussing a few
more seafood menus. Some dealing with
canned-type seafood for you guys farther
from the coastal areas. Next month I'll
knock around the "Potato" issue. Re-
member if you don't skart, you'll die.
MPWLSB
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