Washington's Rick Fike blows past the finish line, edging out Mike Goldman in a runoff for 3rd place.
John has this place wired and if
there are no unforseen natural
flaws in weather or track, he might
very well prosper heavily in this
competition. But this had no visual
effect on Roger. He was cool
calm and collected (sounds like a
commercial)
The capitalists recruited me
(they grabbed me by the arm
and threw me in the car) to help
them set up the timing gear for
the race. Fred Lowery, the promo-
ter of the race, gave us the com
bination to the gate that would let
us onto the track
In a cloud of dust we were off
the road wheeling it towards the
gate
ignoring all of the pavement
provisions and denying all of the
shrubbery that came our way. At
the gate my recruiters futilely
attempted to undo the combo
lock (a mere task of lining up a
couple numbers). While they were
at it though I managed to find a
folt t
peni rolling e around on the floor
of the car so I autographed much
of the available space in the
compartment. My friends t walked
back to the car in utter disgust
After minutes s of trying to decifer
their mumblings, I found out that
they had received the wrong
combination. I told them not to
worry, it wasn't the end of the
world and that they should lend
me a cigarette. After a few mo-
ments of waiting up drives, an
area Ranger
asking us just what
in the hell we thought we were
doing trying
to open the lock We
told him that we were from the
health committee assigned to
check racetrack surfaces for any
signs
of cancer causing agents
We also told him that the imported
alcohol in our hands was to help
us from contracting the cancer if
there
in the vicinity. The
was any in the and
guy actually believed us and let us
in Upon contacting the track
were and running
surface v
we
off and
met up with Paco Prieto who was
testing out the corkscrew run. He
jumped up and sat on the hood
so we proceeded onward driving
up the hill. Now at this point I had
aiready gulped down a sixer of
the cancer deferring agent in
hopes that I wouldn't catch any of
that cancer stuff, but the c only
problem was that the old double
vision was acting up and I prayed
that nobody would hit me in the
back of the head Further up othe
hill we picked up a few more
passengers enroute to the top of
the hill. I tried to collect some fares
from them in hopes of getting
some spare change but it was to
no avail. Suddenly at the top, an
unforseen swerve ejected one of
the passengers that was
the hood onto the too
inflicting a
a severe, minor scratch
on one of his palms. The victim of
this unfortunate accident claimed
to be an Ex-Green Beret who
fought in the big one back in '67,
ked t
and said he l
to crush jugular
veins on a moment's
s notice
laughed in his face and subjected
him to my cancer deterring agent
breath The victim (or should I say
double victim) threatened one of
the members of my entourage
but luckily a bribe of 20 bucks
soon calmed the qualm, well at
least for now it did
Upon reaching the summit
noticed some people debating as
which course to use for the
to
race. A little future planning
so I had
would've solved this but there was
nothing
we could do about it now.
put my two cents in
foo. Hey, what the hell you know, I
just love good arguments and I
spurred both sides on until I almost
got rapped upside the head with
a camshaft that was, until then
lying beside the track, it was as
Paco put it," question of sticking
with tradition and going down the
same side as in all of the previous
of the riders
races
many
which
My driver took on the personality
of Parnell Andre, or whatever his
name is, and assumed the p
a
the position
of pedal to the metal. We zoomed
about
and around the back
stretches of the track. We soon
found out that my driver's little
Volvo wasn't too inclined to take
comers at high speed. The brake
pedal slammed to the floor and
we skidded a million inches Fausto,
Er, I mean my driver, claimed a
broken piston return spring for the
mishap. We drove on and soon
12
had pretty much wired) or
progressive sort and going
down
the backside run through the
more challenging Corkscrew
which would make or break many
of the contestants" The decision
fell towards tradition. Therefore
Paco withdrew from the proceed-
ings in protest against the trad
Sonalists
We had other problems here
and there with one of the organiz-
ers who thought he was God or
Bob DeNike looked very fast but had to settle for 8th
something just because he had
his own walkie-talkie and a
sticker on his baseball cap. I didn't
like him, in fact I don't think any
body did. He kept getting on my
nerves sol I made a voo-doo doll
201
likeness of his walkie-talkie and
stuck THRASHER button pins in it
causing it to malfunction later
making him sound like a CBer
from Austria
So much for that. My keen
instincts informed me of the pres-
nce of t barley by-products in the
immediate area. I wasted no time
in pursuing the source. My search
ended at the area of the team
pits. They were comparing notes
giving helpful hints, partying down
and having a good old time. The
congenial atmosphere proved to
be contagious and I rolled on a
couple ludicrous tall tales. But
soon the time came to head over
to San Jose Intl Airport to pick up
a notable (whose name I will not
reveal) and verbally abuse the
tourist type Betties that were pranc-
ing around in the lobby area
SUNDAY JULY THE TWELFTH
The night before, my host for the
evening (whose name I won't
mention either, told me he was
going to teach me a lesson by
making me sleep on the floor, but
I sure fooled him because I sleep
on the floor at home every night.
As usual, Iv
I was the first person to
be v woken up last. A habit that
AN
many people associate with me
becaue of how gnarly I look in the
wee hours of the morning A quick
shower soon cured my gross
condition and I was ready for any
on that any
breakfast a confrontation
restaurant had t offer. We ate at
a Chinese restaurant in Monterey
that yielded Mexican food and I
ordered some tacos and refried
beans much to the dismay of my
worry wart companions Just
before we were about to depart
for the contest I was confronted
by one of those communist types
that tries to deliver a feeble speech
about their cause and peddle off
their trashy newspaper. Midway
through this guy's speech, my just
Hutson had a good line but couldn't stay in the groove when the stakes were high.
Aider goes down during practice creating a troy station for the sacers bohind him
Downhill racer, Perry Fisser
recently devoured breakfast
decided that it didn't like the
confines of my stomach and that
it would much better prefer to be
all over this guy who looked like
he hadn't had a decent meal in
wooks. I wiped off myself and got
in the car and drove away leaving
the poor little commie holding his
nose and yelling something about
my karma I yelled back and told
ajb
him to
We soon got to Loguna Seca
the place was crawing with
competitive predators. Among the
throngs was John s about time
Hutson Don Bostick and Randy
Katen both from Sacto, Mike
Goldman also decided to show
his face, Ciff Future TV star Colo
man, Roger Hickey, Bob DeNike
and a host of others whose names
I forgot how to spell I meandered
around the area trying to get a
clue as to how the foolings wer
going to be towards this event
and fry
to gather a useful proximity
of their general emotion. The
replies were as follows: "Go away
you bother me." "Who in the holl
do you think you are with that
short hair and ofHey man
how come you got rice and
beans c on the front of your jacket?
and Treally feel good about this
race and I hope i win because I
smashed i
I up my Mom's car last
week and I owe her heavily." Now
going by this I had a pretty good
idea as to how the competition
was going to be and it looked like
it was gonna be a good one.
About half an hour later I was
picking out a grain of rice that
had inconveniently lodged itself in
my left nostric when up drives Rick
con' Sockhart. I wiped off my
hand and asked him where in the.
hell he had been, 'cause it had
been awhile since anyone had
seen him around He fold
me that
he had i been s spending much s
of
his time during the past month
relaxing in a posh resort near
Santa Cruz I I believed him because
he had a tan and also a killer left
hook. Anyway he looked eager to
compete and I sure wasn't going
the fact. I noticed though
to argue
in the back of the vehicle he
came in, a twelve pack of some
domestic Colorado cancer c
deter
rent I asked someone with a
watch it was noon yet and she
said "No Good then I wasn't loo
late. So I popped one open and
downed with a feeling of max-
mum security
An hour or two passed by without
event. Then I spotted my capitalist
friends. They looked ragged and
dirty I was going to ask them what
they I been up to when
had
remembered that I mentioned to
them on the
on the way up here that I
had read in a book that there
used to be Indian tribes i
bes in this
area and that hardly anybody
knew about them. I also mentioned
to them that on one of the hills
near the track there is an ancient
burial ground whore Indians were
buried along with their prized
possessions which included arrow-
heads, vases and lots of turquoise
jewelry. I guess they believed me
because as soon as we arrived.
they disappeared until now.
asked them if they had any luck
and they told me that they fot
they were getting warmer and
wormer and that they would
continue the search after everyone
had left it was then and there that
knew deep down in my heart
that this was not going to be a
boring day
The rules for the race were
simple and decent. Everyone had
to wear pads, helmet and gloves
Racers could only use the stand
up style for the descent down the
course
The race was to be con-
ducted by a referee whose deci
sions would be final with no provi
sions f
sfor appeals t The i racers were
allowed two solo qualifying runs
with the t faster one boing t
token to
seed the ridor in the top sateen. I
think everybody knows that if a
rider falls off his board during the
run that he is disqualified which
did notice happened during
qualifying. Twice. To the same guy
even
Fausto was a witness to this in
fact he was sort of involved in the
Incident. The rider (ni be damned
if I can remember his name be
Couse
it all happened so fast)
pulled off a severe WHOOPER
maneuver twice in the some spot.
Fausto, a concerned bystander
was watching to see the guy
was all right and didn't notice the
board making a beeline shot at
Speed Suts have assumed a big role in downt
Hickey teammate, Perry Fisser (above), and Gary
Full (below), sice trough Tum 4 sporting full
coverage